The Costco-Tinder Experience

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costco meme

Yes, you heard right and you might be asking – what on earth do Costco and Tinder have in common? Well, let me explain.

A couple of months ago I headed to Costco for my usual run to buy café, chips, and other random household items.

Kid #3 was with me that day and I clearly remember that said Kid #3 so rudely stated to me, “Mom, you’re getting old and ugly!” or something to that effect as we entered the store.

I can’t recall the exact reason why she was saying that but surely it had to be in response to a possible complaint, a slow movement, or just straight out giving me a hard time as my kids are known to do. My three daughters are currently in the evil teenage years, need I explain more? Nope.

I rolled my eyes at her a few times and told her to be quiet.

We proceeded to walk throughout the store picking up the needed items, visiting the sample booths, and checking out the new merch. We eventually made our way to the wonderful coffee aisle and as I was looking for my favorite Don Jose brand of chocolatey café, a tall white man dressed in jeans and a form-fitting red shirt walked towards me and asked, “Can I ask you a question?” to which I responded, “Sure,” as I looked at him with some suspicion.

“Could you recommend a good coffee shop nearby that’s not the usual Starbucks?”

I quickly glanced at him, sizing him up, thinking, can’t you use your iPhone for this? But, because I’ve made it a point in my life to try and be a helpful person, I said, “Hmmm… let me think for a bit.” As I scanned the mental map in my mind for the coffee shops that were generally close to the area, he interrupted my thinking and said, “It’s for a Tinder date and I’m trying to pick a good place to meet.”

As these words slid out of his mouth, the being shifted throwing me into super control mode and held back saying “Que la chingada?” out loud. My glance quickly shifted to Kid #3 who was standing just a bit behind the man within hearing range and then back at him. Of course she was about ready to crack up and her facial expression was priceless.

I said, “Oh, okay.” And then proceeded to recommend all of the coffee shops that came to mind because I had taken the question seriously.

It took every effort on my part using controlled breathing techniques for me not to turn a shade of purple and break out in a nervous sweat as I continued to give him ridiculously detailed descriptions of each place I could think of within a 5 mile radius.

When I finished providing my suggestions on what I believed would be the best coffee shop for his Tinder meet up, he then asked the question he actually intended to ask from the very start, “Are you on Tinder?”

“Who me?” I muttered in what must have been such a dumb way because Kid #3 was now looking at me with the craziest expression, her hands held over her mouth, holding back the laughter and mouthing, “WTF?!”

“Oh my god, no.” I managed to say to him as my face reflected the same shade of salmon pink as the blouse I was wearing that day.

He then slyly says to me, “Oh, that’s too bad,” thanks me for the information and heads down the coffee aisle on his merry way.

I wait until he turns the corner and then look at Kid #3 who is laughing so hard she’s doubled over and I say to her, “Andale, who’s old and ugly now? See I still got my mojo despite the years and wrinkles. Mmhmm.”

“OMG mom! What was that?”

“I don’t know but maybe I should be on Tinder.”

“Gross!”

“Uh huh. That’s what you think, obviously not him.”

Kid #3 doesn’t leave it there. She sends a speed text to Kid #2 who is in disbelief and also tells a couple of her other friends about the incident.

Lessons learned: 1. Never tell your mama that she’s old and ugly. 2. Costco might be the new dating scene (or maybe it’s always been and I’ve been oblivious?). 3. I guess it’s the new normal to ask random people if they’re on these damned dating apps.

As I reflected on the whole Costco-Tinder experience, although it took me off guard and caused me momentary embarrassment and discomfort, it was the best venganza that could have been inflicted on Kid #3. Gracias Universe for that.

 

#laxicana #tinder #costco #wtf

 

 

 

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